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by  |  08-Jul-2016 11:10

My ex and I had many differences that made us incompatable, but our different orientations were hardly the reason why we split.

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Even if there are some self-identified bisexuals who are romantically interested in one gender and sexually attracted to another, and even if some self-identified bisexuals just questioning and experimenting, let’s acknowledge where the real blame should lie: with queers like me who didn’t fully come out in the beginning.

Although it’s not intended to hurt anyone — many of us do it in an effort to protect ourselves from the homophobia of our friends and family — our temporary claims of bisexuality damage credibility and the dating field for those whose bisexuality is not temporary. My ex watched lesbian porn one night and it made me really uncomfortable.

He was a true "50-50" bi guy, a lover of men and women, not an “attention-seeker” or a "halfway-there gay man" or any of the ridiculous and offensive claims people make about bisexuals. This led to his heartache, since he was trying to date me, a gay guy who was not monogamously inclined (and still isn’t), a guy who was too immature to say, “Hey, I’m not really looking for a relationship.” This seems basic, but it's unfortunately still necessary to note in an ongoing effort to counteract this bizarre notion that someone who is attracted to multiple genders will inevitably miss having sex with people of the gender they’re not sleeping with, and cheat. For him, as well as for many others, his claim to bisexuality wasn’t a transitional phase or halfway point between straight and gay.

But even if a bisexual person does cheat, it's hardly evidence that bisexuality inclines a person toward infidelity. But I understand where this misconception comes from.

But late one night, in a parking lot after we had spent an angry hour talking on the phone, I made a decision that I would later consider an act of mercy for both of us: I would never speak to him again — and didn't.

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